Happy Saturday, beautiful day here in SøCal. Did you guys know Pink Floyd was fucking hot? I really never understood Pink Floyd until I was making slow slow love to the Dark Side of the Moon in its entirety, AND THEN like an epileptic seizure type spiritual awakening, I understood. I think I even cried? I recommend pulling out your favorite Pink Floyd album on vinyl, lay on the floor in the dark and listen to the whole record.
Matthew Mcconaughey has gone through quite the acting transformation in the last few years. From “How to lose a guy in 10 days” to a gauntly, homophobic, aids cowboy. I used to think of him as that hunky bimbo in rom coms (eh). Pretty ok on the eyes but not much under the hood if you know what I mean. But holy shit, this guy has some ACTING CHOPS. True detective is my new favorite show and I have just been blow away by Mr. Mcconaughey. He seems like he’s a really good husband and dad (pipe down ovaries!). Although his acceptance speech was a little god-y (gaudy?), I’ll let it slide.
How would I survive floating at sea on a balsa raft for 101 days? With a raft crew of five half naked Norwegians and a 6’6” captain named Pål Sverre Hagen. Even if you can’t read subtitles (which means you can’t read so stop reading this blog) I still encourage you to see Kon-Tiki for the sheer beauty of sun kissed Nordic skin and golden hair.
What’s that Pål? You have a Norwegian girlfriend? I heard they age poorly and she’s probably your cousin, you’re much better off with an olive-skinned Iranian, like me, to secure the looks of our future children. Besides, you already have a green card to my heart.
I know I haven’t posted in a WHOLE YEAR. A whole goddamn year. But listen, I’m on the whole LA gluten free thing making some chocolate chip cookies over here with my aspiring actress friend (what???) but we found ourselves googling hot actors. It started with Kevin Costner (40 year old women love him) and Paul Newman. And I realized Ive taken a long hiatus from CLMBK. Just like Joaquin. Who was (its very hard to come up with one word) at the very least, compelling (he got our attention, did you notice high waisted pants are back in 2050?). You can call us anytime for anonymous cyber sex (us- threesome). You’re such a freak we don’t know wether to barf or squeal.
*Fun bonus fact, one of my besties lost her job for leaving the word “bullshit” in a Joaquin Phoenix quote in a published article. I think you owe us one Joaquin. Don’t leave us hot and dry, we’ve been there since Parenthood.
Sting was always my mom’s ideal man, which makes me wonder how she ended up with my swarthy, raven-haired, never-without-a-mustache (never seen him without a mustache, EVER), 6 foot 6, big-nosed, Syrian Jewish father. Not that my father isn’t a handsome man, but it’s hard to compete with those cheek bones.
I never gave a shit about Jamie Foxx. All I know he’s some sort of comedian/musician and has been featured on a shit ton of pretty dope rap songs. Last night I saw Django, and was blown away by his performance. He’s a freaking babe, and damn talented. It doesn’t hurt to have Leonardo DiCaprio and Christoph Waltz as costars either.
How is it possible Jon Hamm isn’t on Clambake yet?! I’ve been watching Madmen for a long time. One of the perks of living in LA is getting texts at 12 am from your blonde bombshell friend that go like this: "come meet meeeeee" "where are you?!" "i’ll pay for your cab, Jon Hamm just bought me a drink" But said friend is so drunk she in unable to realize she never disclosed her location.
Was alone for the first time during the holidays yesterday and felt like watching a mellow romcom so put on 500 Days of Summer. Completely forgot about this guy that totally makes Joseph Gordon Levitt look like a 5 in comparison. All I have to say is .. My. God.
If Jesus were alive today he would be just my type- long hair, beard, damn good carpenter. And my parents would be pleased he’s a good Jewish boy.
This Elvis Jesus is pretty sexy too. Happy birthday Jesus!
Side story, my friend and I used to refer to this dude we thought was hot as “sexy jesus” because we didn’t know his name, I can’t for the life of me remember the guy or which friend it was. I have a shit memory.
My new favorite band, the Allah-Las, formed right here in my (new) place of residence Los Angeles. They sound like a dreamy, day-drunk, day on the beach with your favorite Cali dude that makes you wonder if this is how your mom felt in the 60’s. They look as good as they sound (mmm hello middle left).
I’m realizing I have a HUGE thing for Harrison Ford. I know I already Clambaked him in Blade Runner but I started watching the Star Wars trilogy last night (I think it’s a necessity to rewatch it every 10 years). To quote the internet, Han Solo is “Self absorbed, egotistical, arrogant. Rough around the edges, very atheistic and survivalist at heart. A good guy hero persona waiting to come out (which does in the end).” Just my type.
I was pretty bummed to see Opie go on Son’s of Anarchy but I quickly forgot about my broken heart when Nero started coming around. He’s a sweet and sensitive thug. He’s also the smartest mother fucker on the show.
Also my favorite quote from the season finale-
Nero: ”I’m just saying, I just don’t know if I am going to be able to give you everything you need right now”
Gemma: ”And what is it you think I need? Love? Only men need to be loved sweetheart. Women need to be wanted“
Oh Bruce Willis, you make my lady parts tingle! I don’t think I’ve had such a long time crush on an actor since Chevy Chase (swoon). The ultimate macho man but with humor and sensitivity, and he just gets hotter year after year. Bruce Willis, you can be my meat popsicle any day!